This seems excellent. I’m hoping there will be an audio version available upon release for accessibility to blind or visually impaired individuals, too.
Oh wow thank you for putting this out there! Fascinating! And there was absolutely zero mention of disabled parenting in any of the prenatal classes or books or webinars that I faithfully attended while expecting my first 🙃
"Every choice a parent makes under the yoke of individualism is a choice that pushes them toward consumerism and takes them away from their community. Think of it: Your kid has a warm forehead, and you don’t have a thermometer. Do you buy one, or do you see if your neighbor has one that you could borrow?"
I never thought of this in the context of parenting before. Most of my adult life (I came of age during the Reagan Era), I've bristled at the cost of the "service economy" which was not only expensive, but increased my sense of isolation. For example, in the 90s I got to know my next-door neighbor when she offered to collect my mail when I went out of town. Now I interact with an app to stop and restart delivery. I hired an adolescent girl to take my dog on afternoon walks; now I pay for "doggy day care." I got to know and mentor that youth a bit (not a parent myself) and established a friendship. The examples are endless.
Oh this makes so much sense. I think amazon broke a lot community too. No talking to anyone in the checkout line anymore…or need to leave our homes really
This book is so necessary. For over a decade, I assumed I'd never be a parent. I worried I'd had too much chemotherapy in my teens and twenties to have a healthy child. As an amputee, I feared I wouldn't be able to do simple things like catch a toddler before they ran into the street.
Despite all my fears, I did become a mother. I found ways to get the support I needed as a parent.
I fell one night when my child was still little. The fall hurt my leg so badly that I couldn't wear my prosthetic leg for over a month. My retired father came over to help while I tried to parent from a wheelchair (which is not my regular form of mobility and thus presented challenges my house and my routine weren't set-up for, like getting in and out of the car by myself).
It was hard and frustrating. The world isn't set-up with disabled people in mind. Still, watching my dad and child together was special. Plus, my brother surprised my child with a doll in a wheelchair and my child was delighted to have a toy that was "just like mommy."
My kid still delightedly points out characters in books or shows with visible disabilities. We even found a sticker book with amputee fairies. Disabilities are relatable to my kid because of the experiences we've had together.
The unexpected gift I've been able to give my child is a deeper understanding of diversity and empathy. My child sees me asking for help. My child sees me moving forward and living life even with a major struggle other people don't face.
So often we think being a good parent means being a perfect parent. But our children aren't perfect and they aren't going to grow-up to be perfect adults. We actually have no idea what challenges they will end up facing. As a disabled parent, I don't have any other choice but to model vulnerability and perseverance. I am a daily lesson on how life can be hard. Every time I dance or swim or crawl around with my child, it takes more effort than it does for other parents. But I hope my kid looks back at those moments and realizes that they meant more too.
A daily lesson on how life can be hard/is hard but you find creative ways to rise to the challenge and to ask for help. That’s a lesson all of our children…all of us…can use. Thanks for the comment.
What wonderfully helpful insights!! I so appreciate you both sharing all of this!! I feel seen and a relieving sense of belonging 🙏🏽♥️
I came from family violence, was coercively controlled by a narcissistic Englishman coloniser and never intended to become (how I see myself) a traumatised unfit victim-survivor mother trying to break the cycle of abuse with a weaponised child (a child intended to control, use and abuse opportunistically for permanent Australian residency)
I continually yearned for a community of solo mothers residing together with their children (just as I dream of retiring to a women’s residential community)
We need mutual aid and local exchange trading systems/community exchange systems and neighbourhood connection. We’re humans!! We’re supposed to be interdependent!!
This seems excellent. I’m hoping there will be an audio version available upon release for accessibility to blind or visually impaired individuals, too.
There will! Audio book and large print.
Oh wow thank you for putting this out there! Fascinating! And there was absolutely zero mention of disabled parenting in any of the prenatal classes or books or webinars that I faithfully attended while expecting my first 🙃
Glad it resonated Madeline!
Thanks for this interview! I appreciate Jessica’s wisdom, and am eagerly awaiting the book.
Out tomorrow!
"Every choice a parent makes under the yoke of individualism is a choice that pushes them toward consumerism and takes them away from their community. Think of it: Your kid has a warm forehead, and you don’t have a thermometer. Do you buy one, or do you see if your neighbor has one that you could borrow?"
I never thought of this in the context of parenting before. Most of my adult life (I came of age during the Reagan Era), I've bristled at the cost of the "service economy" which was not only expensive, but increased my sense of isolation. For example, in the 90s I got to know my next-door neighbor when she offered to collect my mail when I went out of town. Now I interact with an app to stop and restart delivery. I hired an adolescent girl to take my dog on afternoon walks; now I pay for "doggy day care." I got to know and mentor that youth a bit (not a parent myself) and established a friendship. The examples are endless.
Oh this makes so much sense. I think amazon broke a lot community too. No talking to anyone in the checkout line anymore…or need to leave our homes really
This book is so necessary. For over a decade, I assumed I'd never be a parent. I worried I'd had too much chemotherapy in my teens and twenties to have a healthy child. As an amputee, I feared I wouldn't be able to do simple things like catch a toddler before they ran into the street.
Despite all my fears, I did become a mother. I found ways to get the support I needed as a parent.
I fell one night when my child was still little. The fall hurt my leg so badly that I couldn't wear my prosthetic leg for over a month. My retired father came over to help while I tried to parent from a wheelchair (which is not my regular form of mobility and thus presented challenges my house and my routine weren't set-up for, like getting in and out of the car by myself).
It was hard and frustrating. The world isn't set-up with disabled people in mind. Still, watching my dad and child together was special. Plus, my brother surprised my child with a doll in a wheelchair and my child was delighted to have a toy that was "just like mommy."
My kid still delightedly points out characters in books or shows with visible disabilities. We even found a sticker book with amputee fairies. Disabilities are relatable to my kid because of the experiences we've had together.
The unexpected gift I've been able to give my child is a deeper understanding of diversity and empathy. My child sees me asking for help. My child sees me moving forward and living life even with a major struggle other people don't face.
So often we think being a good parent means being a perfect parent. But our children aren't perfect and they aren't going to grow-up to be perfect adults. We actually have no idea what challenges they will end up facing. As a disabled parent, I don't have any other choice but to model vulnerability and perseverance. I am a daily lesson on how life can be hard. Every time I dance or swim or crawl around with my child, it takes more effort than it does for other parents. But I hope my kid looks back at those moments and realizes that they meant more too.
A daily lesson on how life can be hard/is hard but you find creative ways to rise to the challenge and to ask for help. That’s a lesson all of our children…all of us…can use. Thanks for the comment.
This was wonderful! I've requested my library notify me when they have a copy!
Yes, I voted for you! Keep up your wonderful posts! xoxo Bonnie
Thank you so much Bonnie! ❤️
What wonderfully helpful insights!! I so appreciate you both sharing all of this!! I feel seen and a relieving sense of belonging 🙏🏽♥️
I came from family violence, was coercively controlled by a narcissistic Englishman coloniser and never intended to become (how I see myself) a traumatised unfit victim-survivor mother trying to break the cycle of abuse with a weaponised child (a child intended to control, use and abuse opportunistically for permanent Australian residency)
I continually yearned for a community of solo mothers residing together with their children (just as I dream of retiring to a women’s residential community)
We need mutual aid and local exchange trading systems/community exchange systems and neighbourhood connection. We’re humans!! We’re supposed to be interdependent!!
🎯Yes!